1
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:49,648
(door bangs in distance)

2
00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:00,592
(Ryan whistles)

3
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,294
Here, boy.

4
00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:11,136
(Wilfred moaning)

5
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:17,309
(Wilfred panting, grunting)

6
00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:26,318
(grunting continues)

7
00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:32,791
(screaming)

8
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:34,760
Ryan! Ryan, help me!

9
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:37,262
Water! Water!

10
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:38,831
(screaming continues)

11
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,472
Oh!

12
00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,340
Oh...!

13
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,376
Oh...

14
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,046
Oh.

15
00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:59,952
Oh, man, my penis is in
bad shape right now.

16
00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,454
I can barely stand up straight.

17
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:06,458
That glory hole
shit out there...

18
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:10,062
that... was... beautiful.

19
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:15,968
Pussy without a name
or face or personality

20
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:18,470
is the perfect kind of pussy.

21
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:21,173
I think Anne wants to move out.

22
00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:22,508
Really?

23
00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:25,811
Well, I have managed
to lick off every morsel

24
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,514
of biological detritus
her body has to offer.

25
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:30,149
So maybe it's time.

26
00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:31,683
No, it sucks.

27
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,185
We get along great.

28
00:02:33,187 --> 00:02:35,187
She hasn't threatened
my relationship with you,

29
00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:37,823
plus her rent has given me
the time to figure out

30
00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:39,858
what I actually want
to do with my life.

31
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,660
Now I'm gonna feel
all this pressure

32
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,162
to get a job right away.

33
00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:45,998
You know, sometimes
pressure's a good thing.

34
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,167
I've been pressured into
every job I've ever had.

35
00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:50,335
I'm just gonna end up
doing something I hate.

36
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:53,705
Okay, so we already know
you don't want to be

37
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:55,340
an evil-type lawyer again.

38
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:56,875
So let's start from there.

39
00:02:56,877 --> 00:03:00,045
Wait-- I thought you hated
the idea of me getting a job.

40
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:01,713
Under normal
circumstances, sure.

41
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,348
But you're stuck in a rut.

42
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,716
And I'm worried about you.

43
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,185
True or false?

44
00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:08,854
Last Wednesday, you went online
and purchased a Lego

45
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,190
do-it-yourself medieval
market village.

46
00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:14,526
So what?
Legos are not for adults!

47
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,195
I canceled the order.

48
00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:18,864
All you do is sit around
and sleep and eat.

49
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:22,201
Yeah, and I also roll around
in goose shit.

50
00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:23,902
Look, I'm already in touch
with a recruiter.

51
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,704
I'm gonna set up a meeting
right now.

52
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,906
If you're on
the Legos Web site,

53
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:30,275
you are a creepy
man-child.

54
00:03:31,744 --> 00:03:32,911
(Ryan laughing)

55
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:34,379
Oh, you're
burning down!

56
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:35,547
That was awesome!

57
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,416
Oh, my God.
You were right.

58
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,551
Those fitness games I was
playing are boring as shit

59
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,221
compared to "The Haunted
Catacombs of Gjorganthaal."

60
00:03:42,223 --> 00:03:43,589
See?!
What?

61
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:45,057
Wait-- why are you pausing it?

62
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,558
Didn't you have
to be somewhere at 2:00?

63
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,894
Yeah, I was supposed to meet
with this recruiter,

64
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,429
but I rescheduled it.

65
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:52,064
My résumé needs some tweaking

66
00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:53,565
I hope you didn't reschedule it
for Monday,

67
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,566
because I have a surprise.

68
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,068
I'm treating us to massages.

69
00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:58,237
It's just a thank you
for being my date

70
00:03:58,239 --> 00:03:59,738
to Erica's dinner party
last week.

71
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,240
It would have been super
depressing being

72
00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:02,941
the only single person there.

73
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,910
Yeah, I'm-I'm
not sure I can...
Now don't worry!

74
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:06,278
I'm still working the
Internet dating sites.

75
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,113
And as soon as I find
a guy who's not making

76
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:09,781
that annoying
squinty sex face

77
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,450
in his profile picture,
you're off the hook.

78
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:12,918
No, no, no, it's not that.

79
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,419
I just don't think
I can make the massage.

80
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,588
I should probably stick
with this job hunt for a while

81
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,589
until I get something.

82
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,258
Really? Bummer.

83
00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:22,594
Kind of enjoyed being
"funemployed" together.

84
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:25,097
Yeah, well, I found out
Anne's looking for a new place.

85
00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:27,799
And there's no way I can pay
the bills without her rent.

86
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,301
Why is she leaving?

87
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:31,436
You haven't asked her?

88
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:34,606
If I were you, I'd do whatever
it takes to keep her there.

89
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,308
You're right.

90
00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:39,044
I'll talk to her.

91
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,781
Oh. Good morning.

92
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,284
Hey.

93
00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:47,819
So, um...

94
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:52,291
I-I-I don't know how to
ask this without asking.

95
00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:54,826
Are-Are you thinking
of moving out?

96
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:58,797
(sighs) Okay, I was gonna
tell you eventually.

97
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,966
You know how
my boyfriend's

98
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,135
in jail for head butting
his aunt?

99
00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:05,304
I-I didn't know those details.

100
00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:07,005
Well, before
he got sentenced,

101
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:10,008
he made this, like, investment
for when he got out.

102
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,843
He bought this purebred
English bulldog

103
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,478
to start a breeding business.

104
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:17,149
His mom's watching Phil,
that's the dog's name,

105
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:20,686
but she's moving to Boston,
so offered to take the dog.

106
00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:22,321
And I just figured
with Wilfred around,

107
00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:26,024
two dogs in the house
would just make your life crazy.

108
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,193
No! No, no, no!
Not at all.

109
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:29,695
Really?

110
00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:31,330
Seriously, it's not a problem.

111
00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:33,865
Phil is totally welcome
to come live here.

112
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:37,502
(laughs) Oh, my God,
that is so awesome!

113
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:38,870
If I didn't have
a boyfriend,

114
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,872
I would totally suck
your nuts right now.

115
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:43,342
(chuckles weakly)

116
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:45,377
So, just when I finally
neutralized

117
00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:46,878
the Jelly Beans threat,

118
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,181
you invite this bulldog
to come and live with us?!

119
00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:51,350
There's only so much dog poon
to go around!

120
00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:53,852
And you know this Phil guy's
gonna be creeping up

121
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,187
on the neighborhood glory hole!

122
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:56,855
That shit is locals only!

123
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,358
It's, like, go back
to the Val, kook!

124
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,360
Wilfred, you don't even live
here-- you're my guest.

125
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:03,295
Anne has a right
to have guests, too.

126
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,701
What the hell
are you doing?!

127
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,203
Drawing a line
in the sand.

128
00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:14,039
Phil can stay on his side,
I'll stay on my side.

129
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,407
Wilfred, stop!

130
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:18,710
Fine. Then I suppose
I'll have to resort

131
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,312
to more drastic measures.

132
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,216
Wait-- what are you gonna do?

133
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:25,884
I'm gonna get my squeaky ball

134
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,753
and leave it on
the living room floor

135
00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:29,721
where Phil can see it.

136
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,424
Then, when our little friend
goes to play with it,

137
00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:33,725
I'll simply...

138
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:37,329
snatch... it... back.

139
00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:40,432
Guess I can't stop you.

140
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:44,403
(sing-songy):
Welcome to your new home!

141
00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:45,570
Hey.

142
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:48,073
So this must be Phil.

143
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:49,741
Why is he wearing a diaper?

144
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,343
Phil's short for "Phyllis."

145
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,445
So...

146
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:54,780
She's in heat right now.

147
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,248
Sorry. I didn't know
till I picked her up.

148
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:59,418
So we should keep her
and Wilfred apart.

149
00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:01,086
You know how crazy
male dogs get

150
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,921
when they smell
a bitch in heat. (scoffs)

151
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,923
Is this still
cool with you?

152
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,459
'Cause if not,
I can totally...

153
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:08,760
What? No, no, no, no!

154
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,096
Of course, it's totally cool.

155
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:14,132
Thanks. I really appreciate
this, Ryan.

156
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,600
Don't worry about it.

157
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:18,170
Like I said, it won't be
a problem at all.

158
00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:22,774
Oh, my God...

159
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,443
she's beautiful, Ryan.

160
00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:27,279
Sculpted by
the hands of angels.

161
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,147
You didn't even see her.

162
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:31,116
I didn't have to.

163
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:34,319
(inhales deeply)

164
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:35,620
I'm in love.

165
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,189
(laughs)

166
00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:47,299
(playing gentle melody)

167
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:50,469
¶ I know
it might sound foolish ¶

168
00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:54,806
¶ When I write
to you this song ¶

169
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:58,477
¶ But the rings of love
from heaven ¶

170
00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:02,514
¶ Washed away all
that was wrong ¶

171
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:07,152
¶ Because looking at you
is like drinking a moonbeam ¶

172
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:10,655
¶ In the darkness
of my lonely night ¶

173
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:14,993
¶ And the sun from your heart
is shining down on me, baby ¶

174
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,995
¶ All right?

175
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:20,732
¶ And I'm dreaming of you
tonight. ¶

176
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:26,071
(plays flourish, song ends)

177
00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:32,010
Sorry; the music just kind
of poured out of me.

178
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,345
I guess that's what happens

179
00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,514
when love slaps you around
like a little ho.

180
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,682
I can't wait
for Phyllis to hear it.

181
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,351
It's not gonna
happen, Wilfred.

182
00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:43,188
Look, I know you're worried,
'cause now I'm in love,

183
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,856
we're not gonna hang out
as much.

184
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,025
But you've always been
my best friend.

185
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:51,863
Which is why I'd like
you to have this.

186
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,365
It's my little
black book.

187
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:56,101
I won't be needing it anymore.

188
00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:59,371
Are these urine stains?

189
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:02,707
Contact information
from my former slut stable.

190
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,876
I was a different dog then.

191
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,711
Which reminds me.

192
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:09,714
I no longer have any use...

193
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,551
for my vampire dick sucker.

194
00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:16,321
Oh, Fangsy, we really had
ourselves quite a time.

195
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,562
(sniffs)
Where is Phyllis?

196
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:26,231
Locked up in Anne's room,
where you can't get to her.

197
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:30,235
Ryan, no door can stand
in the way of love.

198
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,904
Unless it's, like, a door-door.

199
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,606
Does it have a doorknob?

200
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:36,241
Dude!

201
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,909
Wilfred, you're
not in love.

202
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,911
You're just responding
to her pheromones.

203
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,580
And you're just
tearing us apart,

204
00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:43,748
so you can keep Anne
as a cash cow.

205
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,251
Phyllis is in heat, and you're
an unneutered male dog.

206
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,752
You could get her pregnant.

207
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,921
And the only litter
that she's supposed to have

208
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,289
is with another
purebred bulldog.

209
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:55,093
Are you saying that my moonbeam
and the darkness

210
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,929
of my lonely night
is promised to another?

211
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,965
Sort of.
Anne's boyfriend's a breeder.

212
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,600
But that's insane!

213
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:04,102
If it's another bulldog,
then he could be her brother

214
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,771
or her cousin
or a distant uncle at best!

215
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,273
How would you feel

216
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:10,108
if that's how humans
were forced to procreate?!

217
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:13,612
It's different.
We're human.

218
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:15,614
Okay, may-maybe... maybe
that came out wrong.

219
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:16,648
You're a Nazi!

220
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,283
You're a goddamn Nazi!

221
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,952
Don't you even try
to get between us, Ryan.

222
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,455
You can't stop love!

223
00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:25,957
¶ Love is a freight train
comin' down the track ¶

224
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,293
¶ You can't stop it
'cause you can't ¶

225
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,996
¶ Turn your back on love

226
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:34,366
¶ Love is a wrecking ball!

227
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,141
Oh, Phyllis,

228
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,976
your kisses taste so sweet

229
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:48,213
and your pores smell
like corn chips.

230
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,326
Oh, my deep tissue is thanking

231
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,827
the shit out of you right now.

232
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,663
Glad you found
it relaxing.

233
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:07,499
By the way, you two make
a really cute couple.

234
00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:08,933
Oh.

235
00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:12,504
Why did you tell the
masseuse we're a couple?

236
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:13,838
'Cause the couple's massage came

237
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,574
with a free bottle of wine.

238
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,247
(sniffing)

239
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,386
So, how'd it go with Anne?

240
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:29,387
Great.

241
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,022
I talked to her like you said

242
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,190
and we worked everything out.

243
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,359
To "funemployment."

244
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,027
So what do you want
to do tonight?

245
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,195
Korean barbeque or we...

246
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,863
Oh, shit.
Is it Monday?

247
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:41,366
(groans) I'm supposed to go
with Jessica to a party tonight

248
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:44,369
at some rich
ophthalmologist's house.

249
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,204
I guess it's remotely possible
I could meet someone.

250
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,406
No worries.
We'll hang out later.

251
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:51,609
I'm gonna get dressed and
head home for a long nap.

252
00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:59,718
So, how are you
feeling today?

253
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,386
It's weird.

254
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:04,389
I woke up and I don't
know how to explain it,

255
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:07,559
but something deep in
my heart had changed.

256
00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:10,061
It's like all the love
I felt for Phyllis

257
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,062
is now suddenly gone.

258
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,064
That does happen sometimes.

259
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:16,067
You can fall out of love just
as quickly as you fell into it.

260
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,103
Huh, you know,
I don't even care

261
00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:20,739
if she ends up with
another bulldog.

262
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,407
Hell, maybe they'd be
better off together.

263
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:23,241
Well...

264
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,442
breeding is done
for a reason.

265
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,778
Mating a purebred
with another purebred

266
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:29,080
keeps things... pure.

267
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,782
Yeah.

268
00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:33,585
I got to admit, now that
my mind is no longer lost

269
00:12:33,587 --> 00:12:35,920
in the fog of love,
it's starting to make sense.

270
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:38,923
I mean, you mix up the breeds,
who knows what you're gonna get?

271
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:39,958
Exactly.

272
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,093
Like, take Joffrey here.

273
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,428
(laughs)
Wait...

274
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,764
What?
WILFRED:
Well, he-he's the product

275
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:48,133
of a white mother
and a Mexican father.

276
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,634
He's a mutt, just like me.

277
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:51,803
It's different
with people, Wilfred.

278
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,104
Joffrey's fine.

279
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,105
Joffrey and I
are both mongrels.

280
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,273
We're mistakes.

281
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,608
Now, I-I wouldn't say you're...

282
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,276
No, no, no, you're
totally right.

283
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,145
Just imagine a world

284
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:02,614
where all of the bloodlines
were kept pure--

285
00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:04,949
a perfect world where
there were no mistakes.

286
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,018
(phone vibrating)

287
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,622
That's that job recruiter.

288
00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:13,625
You going to that meeting
with her tomorrow, right?

289
00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:14,826
I don't know.

290
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,961
I mean, now that Anne's staying,
what's the rush?

291
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:20,965
Ryan, if this whole Phyllis
ordeal has taught me anything,

292
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:24,669
it's that it feels good
to move on with your life.

293
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,504
On to bigger and better things.

294
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,139
Hmm.

295
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,308
Hendler-Greer specializes
in green energy

296
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:31,976
and they're looking
for a junior partner.

297
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:35,814
Well, actually I'm sort of
leaning towards nonprofit.

298
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:38,016
Okay.

299
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:39,651
Well, have you heard
of New Horizons?

300
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:42,153
They're a nonprofit
that provides legal counsel

301
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,655
for victims
of domestic abuse.

302
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:46,324
Yeah, that-that sounds great.

303
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,159
But I worry that it's
a little too outside

304
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,061
of my area of expertise.

305
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,664
(sighs)

306
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:53,665
Sorry, I...

307
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,667
I guess I'm kind
of a challenge.

308
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,001
It's okay.

309
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,503
I like a challenge.

310
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:01,206
I'm sure, if we work together
long enough,

311
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:03,174
I'll find something
that'll pique your interest.

312
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,877
Uh...

313
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:08,847
I-I don't understand.

314
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:11,583
Are you ready to get
your dick sucked, Ryan?

315
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:27,365
Oh!

316
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,201
(gasping)

317
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,703
Wh-What's going on?

318
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:34,205
I've been doing a little
pure-breeding of my own, mate.

319
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,942
I think I'll name
your baby Rysten.

320
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,446
(door closes)

321
00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:48,753
Wilfred!

322
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:50,288
Get back here!

323
00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:58,296
Shit.

324
00:14:59,431 --> 00:15:00,899
(phone line ringing)

325
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,233
It's Kristen, leave a message.

326
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,234
(voicemail beeps)

327
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:05,069
Hey, uh, I-I don't know

328
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,405
if you're still taking your nap,
but I'm gonna be

329
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,073
in your neighborhood,
so I thought I'd drop by.

330
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,309
See you soon.

331
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:14,846
Kristen.

332
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,081
Kristen!

333
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,316
(phone ringing)

334
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,919
Kristen, where are you?

335
00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:22,587
I'm at your place.
My place?

336
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,922
When I couldn't find my phone,
I realized

337
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:25,123
I must've left it here
earlier today.

338
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,591
WILFRED:
Or perhaps someone stole it.

339
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:27,792
Wilfred's there?

340
00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:29,093
Yeah, he was here
when I came in.

341
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,762
WILFRED: Breeding a brother
with his sister

342
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,764
can only result in perfect...

343
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,599
Get away from him, Kristen.

344
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,200
I'll be right there.

345
00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:39,804
Hey, Ryan.
Wilfred, get out of there.

346
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:41,839
(Wilfred and Kristen laughing)

347
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,609
Ow!
What are you doing?

348
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,344
Uh, I have
to take him out.

349
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,948
Please, tell me
you didn't do it.

350
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:52,116
You mean extract your semen
and inseminate your sister

351
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,519
so she can give birth
to a purebred Newman?

352
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,489
Of course I didn't.
I'm not that sick and twisted.

353
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,291
I just wanted you
to think I would,

354
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:03,294
so you can see what it's
like to almost get bred.

355
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,963
What?! Why?

356
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:06,297
All that fear and
disgust you just felt?

357
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,132
That's exactly what
Phyllis is feeling.

358
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,801
Instead of being
with the one dog

359
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:11,469
she actually cares about-- me.

360
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,305
We should be making tender,
passionate love right now,

361
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,975
stuck ass-to-ass with
my dick bent backwards

362
00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:18,810
between my legs in
excruciating pain

363
00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:20,478
under the stars.

364
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,814
What? I thought
you were over Phyllis.

365
00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:25,383
What? Because of this?

366
00:16:26,185 --> 00:16:28,987
You knew? How?

367
00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:30,989
I went on your iPad to change
my relationship status

368
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:32,156
to "It's complicated,"

369
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,826
and I saw the Web site
on your browser.

370
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:36,327
So you knowingly tortured me
'cause you still

371
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,662
think you're in love?

372
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,330
For the last time,
I am in love.

373
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,665
With someone who's destined

374
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,500
to boned by her
own family member.

375
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:45,203
So, what? Dogs don't care if
they have sex with a relative.

376
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:47,171
Not if we don't get
a say in the matter.

377
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,507
I chose to have sex
with my sister

378
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,175
and my aunt and my grandfather.

379
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:53,011
Making me think
I've impregnated my sister

380
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:55,013
isn't even in the same ballpark
as dog breeding.

381
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:57,515
How did you come up
with this insane plan?

382
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:58,683
It's obvious.

383
00:16:58,685 --> 00:16:59,884
I got it from Kristen.

384
00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:01,519
Well, she's basically

385
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,021
been playing house
with you lately.

386
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,856
Treating her brother
like her husband.

387
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:06,190
What are you talking about?

388
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:07,525
She keeps using you as a crutch

389
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,260
the same way you keep
using Anne.

390
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:12,397
Phyllis!

391
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:15,233
We will be together one day.

392
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,869
I promise!

393
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:20,438
(boom box playing dogs howling)

394
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:26,210
Hey.

395
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,046
I was thinking

396
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,715
since I'm already here,
we might as well order in;

397
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,383
watch a movie.

398
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,052
Still haven't seen
<i>Django Unchained.</i>

399
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,586
What? I-I thought

400
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:37,555
you were going to that party
with your girlfriends tonight.

401
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:40,058
I'll just cancel-- honestly
I'm just not really in the mood

402
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,627
to get dressed up
and deal with that whole scene.

403
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,065
Yeah, I think you
should go to that party.

404
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:50,401
Look, I know it must be hard.

405
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,904
After your divorce,
getting back out there.

406
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:55,406
It's daunting, but...

407
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:58,076
I don't, I don't think
it's good to, you know,

408
00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:01,646
become so dependent on this
comfortable thing we've got.

409
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,616
I know.

410
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,418
You're right.

411
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,953
For what it's worth,

412
00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:11,756
I'm doing the exact same
thing with this job search.

413
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:14,759
It's like... what
if I get rejected?

414
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,095
What if I fail?

415
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:20,098
But I guess, at a certain point,
it's more dangerous

416
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,366
to not move forward
with your life.

417
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:26,370
(sighs)

418
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:37,381
Uh, is that a fanged
blow job giver?

419
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:42,320
Um...

420
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:45,623
So, I asked Anne
to move out this morning.

421
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,126
I've been putting off
getting a job for too long.

422
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:50,795
It's a good thing,
mate-- trust me.

423
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,997
Although, as you know,
if Phyllis leaves,

424
00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:54,465
then I'll have to
leave with her,

425
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,968
because I will follow her
to the ends of the earth

426
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,302
until the end of time.

427
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,638
Yeah, and...
I've been thinking.

428
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,307
Maybe some of what you said
about breeding is true.

429
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:06,310
Thank you, Ryan;
I appreciate that.

430
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,179
In good time,
you, too, will see

431
00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:10,982
that Phyllis and I
truly are soul mates,

432
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:14,352
and that our love will
one day transcend...

433
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:15,820
Oh, my God!

434
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:18,156
Who is that disgusting
pig-like creature?

435
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:20,658
That's Phyllis.
No way.

436
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,660
That's a butter everything.

437
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,829
She's basically the
dog version of Natalie

438
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,030
from <i>The Facts of Life.</i>
<i> Yeah.</i>

439
00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,832
I'm telling you,
Wilfred, that's her.

440
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,167
WILFRED:
Really?
Yeah.

441
00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:30,835
And, look, she's no longer
wearing a diaper

442
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:33,171
because she's probably
no longer in heat...

443
00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:36,340
which is why you're probably
no longer in love.

444
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:41,546
No... I just think she looks
different in the daylight.

445
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:44,115
Right.

446
00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:51,189
Again, I'm really sorry
that it didn't work out
with the dogs.

447
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,691
It just got a little
too crazy with Wilfred.

448
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:56,227
Oh, I totally understand, Ryan.
It's for the best.

449
00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:58,196
And Northern California
will be nice,

450
00:19:58,198 --> 00:20:00,064
and I'll be closer
to my boyfriend.

451
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:01,699
Well, his prison.

452
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,868
Take care.

453
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:06,771
You, too. It's been fun.

454
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:11,042
Sorry. There was a line
at the glory hole.

455
00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:12,710
And then this Chihuahua
got stuck,

456
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:15,379
and his whole body was just,
like, dangling there.

457
00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,548
Oh. Did I miss the good-byes?

458
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,050
Yeah.

459
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:21,552
Well, I'm sure
I'll see Anne again one day.

460
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:24,422
I look forward to meeting
her future son, Andrew.

461
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:25,723
Andrew?

462
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:28,726
Why would she name
her son An...
(engine starts)

463
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,127
...drew?

464
00:20:33,932 --> 00:20:38,469
Captioned by
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